Excitment

No one should be excited to see me.

Ever.

"It is precisely because our present life is so inseparably linked with desire that we must make use of desire's tremendous energy if we wish to transform our life into something transcendental." - Lama Thubten Yeshe

Happy

Why does it feel so strange for me to be happy?
I almost feel as if I don't deserve it.





There is pleasure when a sore is scratched,
But to be without sores is more pleasurable still.
Just so, there are pleasures in worldly desires,
But to be without desires is more pleasurable still.
-Milarepa

Life

I am just tired of being so damaged.
I try so hard to be perfect.
but instead I am a
perfect failure.






"He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster...when you gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss also gazes back."
-Friedrich Nietzsche

Cant have it all

"Do we hold the future, or does it come in peace?
And if its in my hands, are you sure it should be in brittle hands like these?

Life, love, and the pursuit of all the things they promised me

Can i have all of the above? are the best things in life truly free?"
-Jay Brannon

"The darkness that surrounds us cannot hurt us. It is the darkness in your own heart you should fear."
-Silvetris

People

Why do some people feel the world owes them something?
The "Oh it doesn't apply to me" people just get on my nerves.
I wish I had more patience.
I really do.





Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

Endless knot

The Endless Knot is a geometric diagram which symbolizes the nature of reality where everything is interrelated and only exists as part of a web of karma and its effect.
Having no beginning or end, it also represents the infinite wisdom of the Buddha, and the union of compassion and wisdom.
Also, it represents the illusory character of time, and long life as it is endless.
As well as the endless cycle of suffering or birth, death and rebirth


Why did i post this?
I am considering getting this tattooed on me.
Have been actually for a while.
But now I actually know someone who can do it well.

Life

I started school a few months ago, college.
I was all excited and shit so ready to begin learning and getting started along my way of starting a real career.
About the same time I started school I also was highered into what amounts to be as close to a dream job for me as possible, without being payed to sleep and have sex of course.

I have met the love of my life, and we have been together just over half a year, we see each other almost every day. Not one day has gone by since we have been together that we didn't talk to each other and we still haven't grown tired or run out of things to say. I love this girl and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I have never been more sure about anything in my life.

This girl came into my life and it has changed everything. I am taking a break from school because my job is very well paying and I can easily afford everything needed by myself. I love waking up to her face and cant wait to be able to do it everyday.
She was recently promoted to a management position so money wont be an issue.
The only thing stopping us from moving in together is my lack of a vehicle in my name. If I move out my car stays with the parents.

Just yesterday we found my dream car, priced to where I can afford it and in great condition.

Its funny how life seems to work so perfectly sometimes.

My dream Girl, My dream job, and my dream car.

I keep asking myself, whats the catch...

Morpheus: Do you believe in fate, Neo?

Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
-Matrix

I Can

First time we met sounds like i can
And second time was just the same
Expecting your call, your voice again
I love the way you spell my name

New life, new love with this new man
I can believe in this new game
Trapped in your eyes and in your hands
I can love you until the end


A little taste of better life
A naive girl dreams of new life
Dreamin to get all at my will
I can believe it could be real

I wished so much to be with you
I can believe it could be true
All day im just waiting for you
Walking around expecting you

New life, new love with this new man
I can believe in this new game
Trapped in your eyes and in your hands
I can love you until the end

Pain for pleasure.

Have you ever heard a song that was so good that you just sighed in contentment?

"Neque porro quisquam est qui dolorem ipsum quia dolor sit amet, consectetur, adipisci velit..."

"There is no one who loves pain itself, who seeks after it and wants to have it, simply because it is pain..."

I didnt know.

I had no idea it was possible to miss someone so much it hurt....

Untill now.

I miss you EAB




All that we see or seem, Is but a dream within a dream.

-Edgar Allan Poe

Could it be?

Could it be?
No.
It couldnt be.
But yes, I have a secret almost obsession with Buddhism.
To the point where I think I have found the philosophy that fits me.

Buddhism goes beyond religion and is more of a philosophy or 'way of life'. It is a philosophy because philosophy 'means love of wisdom' and the Buddhist path can be summed up as:

(1) to lead a moral life,
(2) to be mindful and aware of thoughts and actions, and
(3) to develop wisdom and understanding.

Finally something that doesn't control or change or otherwise brain wash people.
I criticize organized religions because they do not allow for personal interpretation, its one thing, one way, one meaning, one everything.

Buddhism teaches that the solutions to our problems are within ourselves not outside. The Buddha asked all his followers not to take his word as true, but rather to test the teachings for themselves. ln this way, each person decides for themselves and takes responsibility for their own actions and understanding.

This makes Buddhism less of a fixed package of beliefs which is to be accepted in its entirety, and more of a teaching which each person learns and uses in their own way.

I am not quite so sure you could say I am converting but it is definitely the one acceptable general philosophy to life by.




"Do not follow the ideas of others, But listen to the voice within yourself" Zen Master Dogen

Introductions

A blog... waste of time or something to finally dump shit into?
I do not know yet.
I guess we shall see.
The least i could do is end each post with some quote.



"Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it."